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I've accumulated these over the years from all sorts of places. Needless to say I have a collection of more risqué ones as well, but decided that I'd better not lower the tone too much. Just a bit.


superglue
I think Trump uses it, too.
pain
Get tickled with a baguette, perhaps.
depot
The French really seem to be into this stuff. Ouch.
emergency
This might encourage speeding. Let's hope it's not a 'stomach' problem.
dog driver
Dog driving a tractor in Over Wallop, Hampshire.
bad parking
What sign? I didn't see one, honest, ossifer ...
orange
Monkey business
simple
I used to have this attached to my screen at work. I've always believed that if a solution isn't elegant then it's not the right answer. Another angle is ... can you describe 'it' sensibly to a layman in a couple of paragraphs? If not, methinks you've not come up with the answer.
squirrels
Well they don't find it easy to reach the pedals.
paid
I've never understood this. You have to pay but none of the common vehicles needs to. Hmmm.
therefore
I pay, therefore I am.
zebra
Look very closely ... the dark zebra shapes are shadows! A wonderfully clever photo.
spelling
I came across this sign many years ago, well before we moved to Somerset. I was visiting the area (from Winchester) to spend a day doing dry-stone walling near Ham Hill, close to this village, Stoke sub Hamdon. Little did I know that I would be living just a couple of miles away. Although it's vandalism, it appealed to my warped sense of humour.
zebra
I've seen a version where one of the watching zebras asks "Is it spring already?" I'm not sure it needs any annotation. (image accredited to McLachlan)
camel
This would be good for a caption competition. I'm sure I know that face.
steering
Steering by the seat of the pants. It looks a bit uncomfortable.
back-to-back
Are you sure you read the instructions properly?
dangerous
No comment
otter
He doesn't say much but appears right on cue, twice a day.
correction
So now you know.
loose dog
If you bring your pet with you to Spain make sure all its limbs are securely attached.
thinner
Paint thinner
coughy
Coffee filter
Frank Zapper
I have to agree that TV has dumbed-down.
Mr Bit
No matter how hard you try, you probably have!
garage doors
Garage doors very cleverly painted to make passing motorists crash into something in disbelief.
cars
We moan about our weather ... fancy living here instead? I think this is taken from a winter in Montreal.
lift
Schindler's lift.
hand up
Anyone for ice-skating? He's still wondering where she keeps the sweets.
corvid-19
... I can hear the groans
no cars
The sign just isn't clear enough.
erection
It translates as 'Under construction, use not permitted'. And I thought it was 'Stand well back'.
bright cat
Please unplug your cat. The eyes are green. It is now fully charged.
speed bump
Well, that's the Norwegian for a speed-bump ... what can I say?
wasp nest
An unfortunate place for wasps to build a nest.
gin
book store
If you cannot find the book you're looking for then you're obviously in the ...
bull
It'll never happen.
milkyway
A view of the Milky Way from the surface of Mars.
mud dynamite bond
carretera
Which way to the Nature Reserve? You can't go wrong.
plasencia
You're tired and almost at your destination ... just what you want; no matter which way you turn you get there!
trujillo
The Spanish love this stuff! Never mind 'all roads roam to Leeds'; here they always go to Trujillo.
stop
The Council decided a long, long time ago that you had to stop here.
banarse
Any unmentionables are allowed here.
trampoline
Station announcement: '... the trampoline standing at platform 4 is not in service ..'. (BBC News site)
speed limit
Neither do the Spanish like 'crawler' speed limits.
sausages dust
Probably the same woman who threw her vacuum cleaner away because it only gathered dust.
clock
Here's a plumber who works round the clock.
van heusen shirt
An advert for Van Heusen shirts. Permanently non-iron.
Well what did you think it was about ?!!
silent
chocolate